Monday, August 6, 2012

We'll get there.

I recognize that the primary... what is it?  Thought?  Feeling?  Whatever it is, the primary thing I am experiencing right now with my son (after love) is fear.

His reactions to the world, to me, to sounds, to touch, to others... they are leaving me in a place of fear.  It's keeping me up at night.  My shoulders are heavier.

I'm scared for him.  I want him to be okay.

I feel so lost.

Have I mentioned that I found a therapist who specializes in working with children who have traumatic backgrounds?  Children who have been adopted or are currently in the foster care system?  She doesn't live nearby (more like four hours away... I think), but she has agreed to work with our family via the phone unless more steps are necessary.

When I spoke with her the first time, she spoke about fear.  My son's fear.  She spoke about trauma and the way young children respond to it.  She mentioned cortisol.  Sleeping.  Anxiety.  And although she couldn't promise a magic wand, she did say that there were things we could do to help our boy.  Strategies.  Coping mechanisms. 

My fear is nothing compared to his.  I understand that.  I know that.

Watching your child struggle?  Comprehending that I can't just make everything better, easier, safer for him by reading a book or snuggling with him?

Oh, sweet one.  We'll get there one day.  We will.

6 comments:

  1. you WILL get there. i have to believe that for you as well as for me...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Today my kiddo walked down the street for a solid 1/2 mile gripping my hand tightly. It was magical. It might not happen again for a long time, but he wanted to be near me and felt happy to hold hands. They creep in, these moments devoid of fear, and it's like oh my gosh. That is what it feels like...

    ReplyDelete
  3. So glad to hear this - sounds like this therapist gets it. We did a skype session with a therapist and it was so helpful because she could also see my son, how he interacted with me, how he moved. And yes, healing happens. Sloooooowly, with a lot of work, not in a linear way, but it happens. You are on the right road.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You will. Healing will find it's way in.

    ReplyDelete
  5. you will. yes you will. so cool the therapist will do it over the phone!

    ReplyDelete